The (Second) Most Important Thing Your Grandkids Need

What do our grandkids need? And specifically, what do they need from us? Love, of course! Love and care. We’re giving them food and shelter and clothing…. But after that? The second most important thing children need is consistency, routine. Being able to depend on you and depend on knowing what is going to happen next, this afternoon, or tomorrow. This gives them a sense of security. And while all children need this, these grands we’re raising especially need this. They’ve had uncertainty in their young loves. Their parents are gone or they come and go. And, most likely, even when mom is around physically she may not be there emotionally, shutting out the children.

It’s up to us to be the rock. To be the one these tender bruised ones can turn to, the one who is always there. I don’t have a degree in child psychology or anything, but years of raising children and now raising this second generation have impressed this on me.  But what does consistency look like? Let’s look at three important areas: being there (physically and emotionally), routines and schedules, and keeping your word.

Being There

First there is being there for your precious one physically. It means being there when she wakes in the middle of the night needing someone to sleep with her. It means waking her in the morning with a cheerful “Good morning!” It means sitting down to eat meals with her. (Nutritious meals, of course!). It means tucking her in at night and saying, “Good night, see you in the morning,” and being there in the morning.

And then there’s being there for her emotionally. You are the one who stops what you’re doing to listen to her description of her day or her latest craft idea. And then you are the one that helps her scout up the materials needed to make the idea a reality! You are the one with the arms for hugging, the fingers for tickling, the tissue for wiping tears. You are the one who looks into her eyes and sees her for who she is and affirms her. You are the one who is there.

Schedules and Routines

Consistency. Set bedtimes, wake-up times, meal times. Since she is in school now, we have school days and bus times. And since my hubby and I both work, we have work days and times. We have a weekly family movie night. In the evening or the morning we talk about the plans for the coming day. When she was in preschool, this was so important to her – “what are we doing tomorrow?” – and I do my best to remember to tell her about plans that affect her.

Keeping Your Word

Being trustworthy is important to all children, but it is especially important to our grands who most likely feel betrayed by their parents. Mom has not always been there for her physically or emotionally. Mom has made promises – “I’ll be right back” – and not followed through – returning in a day or two.

We need to remember to keep our promises, big and little, from “Let me work for twenty more minutes and then you can show me your school projects,” to “Yes, you can have your friend over to play on Saturday”. This means thinking about what I say (can I keep this promise?) and then making the effort to make it happen. Sometimes (often!) this means making the effort to remember that I said it! I have learned to say, “Help me to remember.”

We are raising our grandkids. We give them love and security in the form of consistency.